same routine week. Or not. You have the power and the opportunity to
make this day different. To change the course of the week and in so
doing your life and your marriage. Beginning today.
What would it take for you to be happier, more content in your
marriage? Something you would like more of from your spouse? Maybe
something less? Something you want changed. Whatever it is the
process of getting from here to there is pretty much the same and it
begins with that internal shift we talked about last week.
No matter how much in love you are, your partner cannot read your
mind. So the first part of effecting positive change in your
marriage is (surprise!) honesty. Letting him or her know what it is
making you unhappy and asking for the specific change you desire.
"But I have been honest!" you insist. Perhaps. But let's look at
what honesty in marriage is all about. Nowhere in our society is
real honesty modeled or taught. Ohhhh…. We here rude opinions and
judgmental proclamations masquerading as honesty. Saying, "That's
not very nice," or "Get off the coach and help me," or "I can't
believe you said/did/think that." is not honesty. Expressing your
opinion about your partner's shortcomings is not honesty. It might
be a truthful reflection of your opinion, but it's not a factual
statement about anything other than the internal musings of your
brain.
Honesty is only about you. And although you can be honest about your
thoughts and opinions, they are still subjective states of mind. The
only truth you can utter without question or argument is how you
feel. To express how you feel in reaction to an event is honesty. "I
feel
an honest statement. It is all about you and your emotional reaction
to life around you.
This kind of honesty is the primary building block of creating the
marriage you desire. And once again this is about changing your
interaction in the marriage. It's not about changing your spouse.
Making honesty a habit takes awareness. It's one of those changes in
behavior that leads to the internal shift. For today, be aware.
Listen to the world around you….. do you hear honesty? Or do you
hear opinions, judgments and demands? Challenge yourself to speak
three honest statements to your spouse, "Honey, I feel
