Superman died yesterday. Christopher Reeve, best know for his role as
Superman and later as an activist for spinal cord and central nervous
system research, died at the age of 52 of complications from an
infection. He was a hero not only on stage and film but in real life
as well. After a tragic accident on horseback in 1995 left him
paralyzed Reeve worked ardently as an advocate for research that
would allow not only himself to walk again but the millions of others
who suffer from similar injuries. Reeve became a real life hero of
greater proportions than Superman could ever dream of being. He was
the epitome of grace under duress.
This morning, as I heard the news on the radio, the DJ made a comment
I think was echoed in the hearts of many of Reeve's admirers around
the world, "I really believed he would walk again." Such was the
unwavering faith of the man in the wheel chair. So much so that he
inspired belief in what today is still impossible.
But Reeve was a hero in more than just his faith in the ability to
find a cure or the way he inspired others to hang on to hope. He was
a hero in that he remained, to the end, gracious, upbeat, committed
to life, and committed to living fully. He modeled the kind of
courage and dedication we ask for from individuals and couples when
their marriages are in deep crises or when they face the reality of
the struggle to recover and heal day in and day out. He didn't give
up.
``I refuse to allow a disability to determine how I live my life. I
don't mean to be reckless, but setting a goal that seems a bit
daunting actually is very helpful toward recovery,'' Reeve said of
his determination to walk again and the steps he was willing to take
to get there. Thanks to Reeve's dedication and persistence there is
hope for millions of people that never existed before.
When I worked as an EMT I was so often struck by how quickly life
changes. Between one heartbeat and the next everything we thought was
true about our lives can change. A car crash, a heart attack, being
thrown from a horse, or stumbling across a spouse's infidelity – in
one breath life will never again be the same.
So what do I want to say about this? I want to say that no matter how
terrible it seems, how impossible, improbable, or lost, the cause may
appear until one takes a final breath there is hope and there is work
to be done. Knowing what steps to take and when to take them may be
as difficult as doing the actual work. Overcoming one's own
resistance and habitual thought patterns might be a big part of the
picture. Learning to own our own feelings and reactions rather than
blaming others is incredibly demanding and usually painful. Healing a
marriage rocked by trauma of any sort is a journey of one day at a
time.
And yet – we can look to Christopher Reeve for hope and
inspiration. "Everyone" said he would never walk or feel again. With
an incredible amount of determination mixed in with new medical
experimentation, he was able to breathe for longer and longer periods
without a respirator. He was able to lift at least one finger. He
increased the strength in his arms and legs. And, he regained
sensation in other parts of his body. Every one of those things
was "impossible" before. Call me the eternal optimist but I believe
that had he lived he would have walked.
I also believe that most marriages can be saved. Not by what your
spouse may or may not do – but because of the changes you make.
Impossible you say? The ads for the Reeve's first Superman movie
said "You will believe he can fly." I did. I also believe he would
have walked. Both impossible feats. I believe in the power of thought
and hope and persistence. I believe in you.
P
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