I went to a wedding this past weekend. It was a beautiful event. The
bride wore her mother's wedding dress, the flowers were a colorful
array of wildflowers and roses, the ceremony was elegantly simple
without all the pomp and hoopla that distract from the solemnity of
the day, and the couple seemed truly and deeply in love with each
other. It was one of the most delightful weddings I've ever attended.
I sobbed internally through the entire ritual.
Those of you who know me know that I cry at the drop of a hat. I
cried watching the riverboats make their way up the Mississippi for
the Grand Excursion this July. I cried at the series finale of
Friends. And I cry every year just watching Independence Day
celebrations. But this was different. This was more than emotion
running over at the eyelids; this was tears of loss and sorrow and a
feeling of impending doom.
See, what I know is that no matter how beautiful the wedding or how
deeply connected the couple seems as they stand there at the altar or
dance their first dance their chances of "forsaking all others til
death do us part," is pretty slim. The numbers are not in their
favor. Sixty to eighty percent of marriages in the US are struck by
the ravages of infidelity. The incidence of wives having affairs is
increasing drastically with the ease of emotional connection via the
internet. Sexual addiction (a form of infidelity) is at epidemic
proportions.
Every day I talk to clients or receive email and phone calls from
people around the world telling me the stories of the tragedies which
strike their marriages. And as I watched this young couple, so
obviously in love, I wondered how long it would be before the wedding
pictures and video would be the source of greatest pain rather than
joy. And the tears fell silently in my heart.
As I watched them exchange their vows and I listened to the priest
speak about the covenant of marriage (lifelong, exclusive, and
created) my mind went to a dear friend who was experiencing his 21st
wedding anniversary – newly divorced after his wife's multiple
affairs. And I cried.
As they cut their cake and walked among their guests I thought of
someone close to me whose husband has left her yet again for another
woman – caught in the horror of his addiction and unable to break
free. I saw her internal strength and commitment in the face of this
betrayal. And I cried.
As I watched them dance their first dance, laughing and smiling into
each other's eyes I thought of my own first marriage. So many years
and so many lost dreams ago. And my heart felt as if it would never
be happy again.
Infidelity is a catastrophic event that wreaks destruction every bit
as great as hurricane, tornado, or earthquake. The internal landscape
of all whom it touches is changed forever. People recover, some go on
to contribute to society in a way that they might never have done but
for the loss in their lives. But none of us would ever choose such a
path willingly.
With all my heart I hope and pray that this young couple will never
experience or even know of the sorrows I see and hear daily. I wish
them many years of honesty, friendship, love and companionship. And I
grieve for those whose dreams of such are shattered.
