Musing on Marriage(tm) Popcorn

I'm really not sure where I'm going with this today. My youngest is
home with a cough and a stuffy nose and he wanted me to make him some
popcorn for a morning snack. As I was watching it spin about in the
air popper and grabbing at the first pieces out of the shoot I knew
that popcorn must have some deeper attributes and meanings to
explore. So bear with me while I play with this, under the
supervision of a coughy, sneezy, stuffy eight year old.

I wonder if we aren't all a little like popcorn. Hard and
impenetrable on the outside, but when you warm us up a little our
shells soften and we open to the world around us. Ever notice how
popcorn seeds all look alike? And yet, no two popped kernels are the
same. Like human beings they come in all sizes and shapes. Some
little, some big, some looking like they might be broken, but they
all are perfectly popcorn.

What if we carried that thought with us today? That our mate might
look cold and walled off on the outside, but might – just might,
soften and display his or her uniqueness when exposed to consistent
warmth. Being that we are all unique individuals we all come with
quirks and oddities. But many of those quirks and oddities are what
make us beautiful and wondrous.

I know there are things about your spouse which drive you insane, and
we talk about how to address those things and negotiate for change.
But when is the last time you gave any thought to his or her
uniqueness? His ability to remember any phone number he's ever
dialed? Her skill at intuitively knowing where every department is in
a large store. The fact that she can cook, supervise homework, and
plan for a major entertaining event all at the same time. His amazing
knack at seeing how something works with just a glance.

And what about the things each of you is passionate about? When was
the last time you really listened to your mate and the vast depth of
knowledge he or she has on some topic? When is the last time you took
the time to appreciate how his or her brain works? What would it take
for you to be open to letting him or her share with you some of that
energy and passion they have for their interests? Imagine the
possibilities if s/he feels safe and warm enough to open to you. You
might get a glimpse of someone really amazing.

Go home today and look at your mate as if you haven't seen him or her
in a long time. Look for the uniqueness. Look for the passion. Try a
bit of care and warmth and see if there's a shell that might soften
and allow you a glimpse of his or her inner self. Be appreciative, be
kind and be proud of this person you are married to. You are both
amazingly perfectly human and sometimes we need to just stop and call
that to mind.

Now, could you pass the salt please, the popcorn needs a little
flavor….

Penny