So Barbara Walters had an affair. A kiss on the cheek from the Dalai
Lama and a ….. well …. you know …. from former US Senator Brooke. A
married man with two children. And then there's Eliot Spitzer,
Superhero for Morality, caught with his pants down in a brothel. Not
to mention Larry Craig whose "wide stance" got him a bit more than he
bargained for in his fifteen minutes of fame. And Oprah, Queen of the
Underdog, whose bulldog tenacity for saving everyone and everything
apparently did not kick in when she decided to dally with someone
else's hubby.
And we, the mundane of the world, are all aghast and adizzy at the
foibles of the rich and famous. Like the proverbial train wreck, we
can't look away as we hang on every little whisper waiting for the
next round of juicy details. How old (gasp!) was this overpaid
prostitute? Really? He was the first African American senator? How
many knocks did it take to entice the vice officer out of his stall?
We're like eight graders whispering and passing notes with heightened
intensity as we ignore the reality beneath the prurience.
Standing in the shadow, if we care to look, we can see them: The
Betrayed Wives Club. Or, The Wounded and Left for Dead Spouses Club.
Or, The Children of Cheaters Club.
We all know that sex sells. I get why the media focuses on the lusty
details of sexual betrayal (all the while shaking their heads and tsk
tsking for good show). But, really, when it comes right down to it,
glorifying infidelity as just another bit of celebrity chatter is as
offensive as reporting the details of a child murder using the format
of a slasher flick. It denies, completely, the dignity of the real
people whose lives will never be the same. The ones who live day in
and day out with the reality of having their choices stolen and their
lives shattered by betrayal from their inner circle.
Spitzer's wife, Silda, stood by him as he apologized to his
constituents in front of a packed crowd of microphones and flashbulbs.
The same microphones and flashbulbs that dashed off to vie for the
first interview with the "high class call girl". Where was the rush to
explore the agonizing pain of a wife betrayed? Where was the
discussion of the loss of innocence of his two teenage daughters? How
does one begin to piece the shattered remnants of a family back
together after this sort of loss? Does anyone really care? To the
hundreds of thousands of betrayed partners (and their children!)
around the country it doesn't look like it.
Imagine, if you can, the torment of standing in the checkout line at
your local grocery, unable to escape from the screaming headlines
heralding the birth of yet another celebrity "love child" (Shiloh,
anyone?) while your still-married-to-you hubby is expecting a bundle
of joy with some woman he met on the job and has shacked up with on
the other side of town. Or how about the panic-attack tunnel vision
nausea that comes with tuning into Letterman's lighthearted banter
about the Larry Craig fiasco (can you imagine the horror his wife must
be enduring?) or the double trouble family of New York's Vito Fossella.
Infidelity doesn't happen in a vacuum. It's not a victimless event.
People get hurt. More than hurt – they are traumatized in a way no one
should ever endure. Marriages are shattered. Children are ripped from
carefree lives. Real, live, breathing, human beings are brought to
their knees with the pain and grief of it all. Treating it as a joke,
or something to bandy about intellectually, is as immature and selfish
as the betrayal itself. As one woman put it so eloquently, "People who
have not experienced infidelity will not understand how watching
Barbara Walters casually talk about her affair, with no remorse, for
me is like watching someone recount raping someone as a once pleasant
memory."
C'mon America. Let's reclaim our integrity and our compassion. The
next time we hear another one of -those- news bites let's do a reality
check and remember the silent majority of pain behind the slick
sexiness of reporting for ratings.
Penny Tupy is a professional marriage coach and the founder of
Marriage Fidelity Day. She can be reached for coaching or interviews
at 651.775.8302. For more of her caustic humor on topics of great
import visit her on the web at swww.symcinc.com
No comments:
Post a Comment